“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
– Haruki Murakami
If you guys haven’t heard about a “Fistula”, you are one of the lucky ones. I hope that apart from this article, you never hear about it again!
Until two years ago, I myself had never heard about it. Up until 2018, I never had any digestive issues and used to hog on anything I could lay my hands on. However, midway through that year, I developed a swelling accompanied by throbbing pain, which turned out to be an abscess (a collection of pus). My doctor asked me to wait and see if it drained naturally, but over the next three days, it rapidly increased in size and showed no signs of healing. As the pain had become unbearable, he insisted that the abscess be immediately cut and drained. Midway through the operation, the doctors figured out that this was more than just an abscess and I had developed a fistula. Scientifically, a fistula is an abnormal connection (or a tunnel) between any two hollow organs. I had developed a tunnel that connected my rectum to my skin. The doctors operated on me and told me that they had removed the abscess and sealed the “tunnel”. This left me with an open wound, which would close naturally over time. However, after one and a half months of the surgery, when the wound was almost sealed, I started having severe pain in my lower abdomen. I wasn’t even able to sit. I repeatedly went back to the hospital but they always sent me home, saying that they had not found anything abnormal. However, the remaining abscess wound wasn’t healing and the pain was getting worse every day. I then decided to consult another surgeon. Just after one examination, he told me that it looked like in the first surgery the doctors had only drained the abscess, but left the actual fistula intact. The first surgeon had not sealed the fistula at all! This had caused a bigger abscess. The surgeon declared that they would have to operate again with the aim of removing a larger chunk of the infected tissue. This surgery was successful. This time the surgeon did actually seal the “tunnel” after the removal of the abscess. I was left with an even bigger open wound in the same region. I believed that I would heal and my life would come back to normal. I was happy believing everything to be over soon. The storm had passed! However, I wasn’t prepared for what was coming later.
Later I realized, it was just the beginning of the storm. During the second surgery, they had to remove a large amount of tissue. This meant that I now had to live with a big open wound right next to my anal opening (yes, I lost a chunk of my anal opening). Due to this excess removal of tissue, I started suffering from fecal incontinence for semi-solid stools. In the very midst of this began my second nightmare: I started having diarrhea. It never rains but it pours as they say!
These two problems combined, resulted in me shitting my pants on a daily basis. It killed my confidence to leave my house. Even within my own home I preferred to stay as close to the toilet door as possible. It took a toll on my job, social life and mental well-being. I started getting urinary tract infections. I started using adult diapers. I was literally crying every day and was scared to go anywhere. I just wanted to stay at home on the toilet!
It took me a few months to realize that I was intolerant to lactose and my body wasn’t able to absorb any nutrients. I had lost 14 kilos in 9 months. I was becoming weak both physically and mentally and no one was able to help me. Doctors suspected that I had some form of Inflammatory Bowel Syndrome (IBD), either Crohn’s syndrome or ulcerative colitis. However, all tests came back negative. All doctors kept on telling me that I was healthy, that this was temporary, and that I would be fine. However, nothing got better. This continued for almost 11 months.
Finally, there was a ray of hope. When I was in India, I met a doctor who suggested that I start physiotherapy in order to get control over my pelvic muscles and strengthen my core. I took his advice and started intense physiotherapy and slowly but surely started to see a change. The physiotherapy helped me strengthen my muscles, which meant I could hold it in slightly longer and I could move a bit further away from the toilet.
For the diarrhea, until then I had tried allopathy (helped me bit – but not effective over long term) and homeopathy (made my condition worse). Then in mid-2019, my second surgeon suggested that I try Ayurveda (traditional Indian medicine) and recommended meeting a famous Ayurvedacharya (an Ayurveda practitioner). He examined me and told me that I had surgery induced Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) and this was the cause of my diarrhea and the failure of my body to absorb any nutrients. He prescribed some ayurvedic medicines and suggested that I take them for one year. In addition to the medicines, he asked me to follow a very strict diet. Finally, the trio of a strict diet, ayurvedic medicines and physiotherapy helped me with the diarrhea and fecal incontinence. The struggle is far from over and neither has the storm passed. But now it has become more manageable. I have more control. This storm has made me resilient and patient. I believe that such storms come into your life for a reason – they make you stronger and bolder. It is important that you believe and hope that after a nasty storm, there is always a calm and sunny day!
I could boldly face this storm because of the unwavering commitment of my husband, family and friends to my health. They stood by me like pillars and prevented me from falling down a deep black hole. I owe my health to all the doctors who were there to care for me whenever I was in pain.
In order to motivate me, my husband, being a Rocky Balboa fan, used to quote a dialogue from what I believe is the sixth movie in the series:
“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!“
– Sylvester Stallone, Rocky Balboa
This was such an inspirational read! Working in a foreign country is hard, especially in academic science research. On top of that, to suffer through something like this can be absolutely crushing. I really admire your courage and resilience in wanting to share this with others to help them through their experiences, more power to you!
I am totally overwhelmed by your blog,the flow of words and the ease with which you have described your experience is truly very effective.I have been a witness to your suffering and also seen how bravely you braced the storm.Proud of you and in awe of your blog.Well written.Way to go girl.
You nailed it Shweta. I am sure you’re going to be an inspiration to many others! In fact all of us have so much to learn from you. Having witnessed you through this entire process, we have seen you grow stronger. You are a completely different person today. I am very proud of you and I love this blog.
Truly inspirational words Shweta, and they reflect your resilience and courage when faced with these extraordinary circumstances! Kudos on your blog. Super proud of you!
Beautifully written, Shweta, your words paint a picture (hah!) as you read through the article. You’ve proven that for every obstacle, there is a solution and nothing can take place of persistence. You’re such a strong person – inside and outside!
**respect**
Not only for the strength you’ve shown throughout, but also for coming forward to talk about it and making people understand (or educated)…. Loved the blog.