Change is the only constant in life. Nothing is permanent. Life will change and some things will completely transform you and your life forever. Change is inevitable but the most challenging part about change is accepting it. Embracing change, especially sudden change, is the hardest challenge life throws at you.
It is rightly said by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, “For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.” Sometimes some things are beyond our control. One cannot stop the rain but accept the fact that it is raining. It is in your hands to either look at it with happiness and positivity or be sad and negative about it. One cannot stop unfortunate things from happening in life but one can choose their perspective of looking at it. Of course, everyone will face hardships in life but it is important to inculcate the habit of accepting these hardships and moving on. Accepting reduces stress and it is easy to find inner peace and happiness.
I had a hard time accepting a lot of things that happened to me in the last two years. I underwent two surgeries and was suddenly left with a big open wound that wouldn’t close. This meant taking care of the wound and I had to give up living normally. I was not ready to accept that at the age of 29 I would have to start wearing adult diapers due to faecal incontinence caused by the surgeries. It did not end here but I suffered from surgery induced IBS. This meant that I couldn’t eat normally. I had to give up on a lot of foods as I had become highly sensitive to them. This is a nightmare especially for a foodie who loves to cook and try different cuisines. I was not ready to accept that IBS had completely altered my routine. I was unable to start my day early, definitely not before 11. I had to cancel a lot of appointments and travel plans as I was just not confident about going out and eating and socializing with people. All of this happened to me within a span of one year. It was extremely hard to accept so many changes in such a short period of time. This had completely changed me! I had changed and I had to accept that. I was in denial of what had happened to me and was resisting the change. I desperately wanted my old carefree life back. I wanted a time machine so that I could just rewind and change the course of time such that I would never have to suffer those horrible months.
After months of crying and resisting the change, there came a point where I realized that the time wasted on resisting the changes in my life was not helping me. I was still unhappy. The only alternative that I had not tried so far was to accept the changes for what they were and live with the new “normal”. Of course, this is never an overnight decision nor is there a definite tipping point. It happens gradually and there are setbacks on the way. But finally, I have accepted everything that had happened to me. Somehow, somewhere within my conscience it finally registered. My brain started replacing the negative thoughts that I previously had regarding my situation with slightly positive thoughts. You realize the ultimate goal of life is to stay happy and positive. I was focused on a few closed doors but then I decided to look at the open ones which offered me new beginnings. I started looking at things differently and more openly. I started reorganizing my schedule around my health. I started making new dishes from ingredients that I could eat. I started scheduling meetings and appointments after 11 am. I adjusted my work timings accordingly. I started wearing adult diapers to work. Instead of being ashamed, I told myself that one needs a lot of courage to wear adult diapers and work or attend social gatherings. Now, I don’t wear them everyday, neither do I end up soiling my pants, but during my flare ups wearing one gives me courage to step out and face the world.
In trying to figure out what was wrong with me, I had a nine month break in my postdoctoral research. In academia the clock starts ticking as soon as you finish your PhD, in case you aspire to become a professor. In addition, it is important to bag a few grants and publications in a short time span. However, I had lost almost two years in recovering and getting back on track. This meant I had lost a considerable amount of time. I also realized that the career track that I had chosen was very demanding and with my health and my strict schedule it was going to be hard to survive in academia. I was at the peak of my career when shit happened literally and metaphorically. I had chalked out some future plans and was working really hard towards achieving them. I had a hard time accepting this set back in my career. The first set back is always the hard one. But now, finally, I have accepted it. I know I cannot get back the lost time. Instead, I have started looking at it differently. I have decided to work hard and do as much as I can do. Not to make big plans for the future but to live one day at a time. Just go with the flow. And this attitude has definitely helped me a lot! You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just have to let go, and see what happens.
Life is a roller coaster ride. It is full of happy and unfortunate events and one has to learn to embrace and accept them. It is definitely easier said than done. Moving on is very important as that is when you accept your condition and continue living. I have started believing that some things happen for a reason. I think some doors were closed on purpose as this gave me a chance to explore something new. It has also changed my perspective towards looking at unfortunate events in life. I think bad events are as important as the good ones as they unknowingly teach you very important lessons in your life.
Accept the situation and embrace the change. Upwards and onwards with a smile on your face.